Building Rapport, more than just the words

Banker #2 also did a great job of building rapport with the client.  What does that mean? You might be thinking.  Did they go to the same college ?, have kids the same age etc.? No, actually only 7% of building rapport is verbal, which means 93% is not.

It's true.  55% of building rapport is body language.  When people are talking there is an unconscious language being spoken that says "Yes, I'm connecting with you, you and I are on the same page"  It's called neuro linguistic programming (NLP).  Banker #2 and the prospect were mirroring body language (arms open, not crossed, sitting back in their chair, listening intently to each other.  They were "in sync".  People unconsciously have a difficult time building rapport when one is leaning forward and one is leaning back, when one has arms folded and one does not.  They are not "in sync".  38% is tonality (voice volume and rate of speech.  Banker #2 had the ability to match her prospect by pacing her rate of speech and volume with her prospect.  These two factors unconsciously put Banker #2 ahead of her competitors and caused her to connect with her prospect at an unconscious level.  Her prospect felt that they were on "the same page" and that she understood his business because she took time to do so. 

The remainder of building rapport is the actual words you use.  There are three primary ways of how all of us see the world.  Some of us see the world visually as our dominant sense.  Words are the medium to communicate of what we see in our heads.  "That looks great", "Picture this" or "I like what I see" are phrases of a visual  person.

The auditory person sees the world with sounds.  They speak a little slower than the visual person because the auditory person hears the words in his/her head before they're spoken.  Words like "sounds good" or "I like what I'm hearing" are the phrases of an auditory person.

The last person is a "feeling" person or kinesthetic as they are called.  Kinesthetics feel their way through the world.  They are also a little slower than visuals because they're trying to express feelings through words.  Phrases like "I don't like how that feels" or "I have a good feeling about this" are the language of a kinesthetic person.  The remaining 7% of building rapport occurs here.  Did Banker #2 and her prospect speak the same language.  Yes, they did.

So, how good are you at building rapport?  It's a little more than what you might think.  So, bankers and business owners, how good are you connecting with each other.  Are you in sync?  on the same page?  If not, this may be a good place start.